‘It’s a Man’s World’ – Loneliness and Suicide Challenge Old Truism

After a long run, it seems likely that a popular truism is about to bite the dust.

“It’s a man’s world” has been around for eons, neatly summing up the perception that everything is arranged to insure the success and comfort of men.

Evidence

Lately, however, evidence to the contrary has been coming to light. Far from feeling superior and entitled, men are suffering. For various reasons, which are now being studied, they are needing and seeking help for mental health issues. These include anxiety, which can lead to depression, which, in extreme cases, has led to suicide.

A Young Man

The latest case in point is the shocking suicide in May of the 30-year-old professional golfer Grayson Murray. He was a two-time PGA Tour event winner.

He passed away a day after withdrawing due to illness during his second round in the Charles Schwab Challenge.

“An undeniable talent, he be(came) a polarizing figure at times because of frequent outbursts on the course.” He battled anxiety, depression and alcohol abuse. ‘It was my outlet,’ he said of alcohol. – CBS Sports

Seeking Invincibility

“‘I  thought I was invincible. The best and worst thing that ever happened to me was winning my rookie year, and also feeling like I was invincible.’”

Ironically, during his seven-year career,  Grayson amassed earnings of almost $3.5 million. CBS called his average of $550,000 in prize money per year “a testament to his consistent performance and talent.” Grayson Murray was young, compared to the more advanced male population causing nationwide concern now.

In fact, the concern is so strong that this hotline is posted on Google:

*****

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

HELP IS AVAILABLE

Speak to someone today

Phone 988

Text 988

Languages: English, Spanish

Hours : Available 24 hours

*****

Older Men

latimes.com Headline, June 5, 2024:

“Older men die by suicide at steep rates Here’s how the VA is trying to change that”

Below the headline is a photo of two men playing ping pong. One is 76, the other 71. The caption reads, “The men were training for the Golden Age Games, a fitness competition put on by the Veterans Affairs Department.”

Participants in these games, for veterans of 55 up, are of varying ages, play a variety of sports requiring varying amounts of skill and energy –javelin, discus, shot put and ping pong. And when they are sportsminded, they say, their worries about health (running the gamut from hearing loss to post-traumatic stress disorder) and other problems seem to diminish.

Money Worries

The U.S. economy, particularly inflation,  is another situation driving anxiety. Older men are worried about outliving their savings, if there are any. A Social Security check has become a featherweight opponent versus the cost of food, utilities, gasoline (if they still drive), insurance (which has gone through the roof), and housing  (the market for which is volatile, constantly changing for the worse due to climate change and state government actions).

How seriously should these concerns be taken?  Very seriously, according to mental health experts, who have been writing warnings such as, “Older men in the United States have been at growing risk.”  And “suicides reached a historic high for the country in 2022.” They called the numbers “sobering.” They revealed that the “starkest statistics were for men past their 75th birthdays, who were dying by suicide at more than twice the rate of men younger than 25.”

Other problems

In addition to concerns about loneliness, physical health and the cost of living, older men report feeling discomforted in a high tech New World.

One put it this way: “To contact someone, all I used to need was their phone number. Now I need to be a computer expert. I need to text my children before I call, so they will answer the phone.”

Secret codes

“Or, to take care of business, like at my bank, I need to go online and use an app. This means remembering passwords and secret codes, and moving figures around…in other words,  doing what bank clerks  used to do for us.

“If l need further help, to be connected to a ‘technician’ or ‘expert,’ first I need to carry on conversations with a few robots. Their responses and questions don’t deal with the problems I am facing. They ask me to choose options. I don’t know what to answer. So they say goodbye and hang up. It can take days for me to settle simple matters.

“I thought this technology was supposed to make life  easier.  It doesn’t.”

He went on. “While I’m at it, let me tell you a few more things, a few more reasons for this male loneliness. It’s hard not to sound like a whiner, but one  problem is Covid. The disease is still hanging around. It’s still contagious.  And catching it is the last thing I need, especially at my age. So I’m concerned  about going out to the places I used to go to before isolation, assuming they didn’t have to close down permanently. Those places are where I could socialize.”

He continued, “You want to talk about men my age being lonely? Well, my wife died three years ago. Almost all my buddies, my friends,  are gone too. I have just one left. And as for meeting new ones? I was advised to join a club online, people with the same interests as me. It’s like online dating. I guess I will try.”

Volunteerism

(Note to readers: Special interest groups are soliciting older men to become volunteers in their work.

One, for example, is CASA, Court Appointed Special Advocates.   Volunteerism is providing an opportunity to engage with other people while helping a good cause.)

Getting Help

Talking about–even acknowledging –a problem goes against what so many men traditionally have been taught.  Yet, if you think about it, trying to cope alone with loneliness, anxiety and depression is not really a “manly” thing to do! Better, smarter behavior might be to grab the bull by the horns, call a specialist, and get going on getting cured.

“If your chronic loneliness is too much, it might be time to seek professional help. Therapy and counseling provide tools and tips to manage your emotions effectively.” –www.talkspace.com

• Learning anxiety managing techniques help you gain control over irrational fears keeping you from making positive social connections with others
• Cognitive behavioral therapy can help you identify and challenge negative thought processes that might encourage an inclination toward isolation
• Solution focused therapy guides you to a place where you begin to establish and nurture meaningful connections in all areas of your life.
• Dealing with male loneliness is really hard
• Finding the courage to seek help might be one of the most challenging things you’ll ever do in life. This is one of the reasons that loneliness in men has been referred to as a silent battle.
• Loneliness doesn’t have to define you. There are options to overcome it.

Re-Deciphering

It is interesting to examine whether societal attitudes throughout history have played any part in all this. Was the human psyche shaped by subtle, and not so subtle, subliminal messages about the sexes? Finding answers may mean going back, way way back. To the pyramids.

Fake Beards

In hieroglyphic drawings decorating the walls of the tombs of the rich and pharaonic in ancient Egypt, the important figures always sported beards.   In the palaces, while pronouncing judgments,  pharaohs wore false beards. Likewise outdoors, in their formal statues for posterity. Even Hapshetsut, the female pharaoh, donned one, circa 1473-58 BCE.

Are their mummies unraveling an eery secret?

A Man’s World

Additional messages trek across the sands of time to support masculinity being treated as the more powerful, more godlike, and therefore the more desirable sex to be. Examples: Patriarchal societies. Succession to thrones. Passing of inheritances. Preference for strong sons who worked the land; drowning at birth of girls, who were only mouths to feed. Bridal dowries paid to husbands. Religious doctrines. Bible stories of pleading with God for the birth of a son. Etc., etc.

Chivalry

On the other side of the gender coin, perhaps to make them feel better about being second class, there was a time when the notion was propagated that It was pretty good to be a girl, especially a pretty one.  That period of time witnessed the glorification of feminine beauty–in chivalry, poetry and song.

Meanwhile, the tough socialization of young boys continued–athletic prowess, bravery, no tears.

So, did history provide any psychological reasons for gender issues? From our 21st Century vantage point, historic attitudes appear to have been like the Nile itself–each year flooding and renourishing already fertile fields.

Today, armed with new insight and bitter knowledge, we have arrived at a time of opportunity: We can begin repairing the damage done–to both women and men–when stereotypes were perpetuated and favoritism condoned with a shrug and surrender to  “It’s a man’s world.”

Finding Mental Health Treatment for Mental Health in Florida

At The Sylvia Brafman Mental Health Center, we’re committed to providing top-quality care for various mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, and suicidal ideations. Located in Tamarac, Broward County, near Fort Lauderdale, Florida, our center also boasts top-notch male housing facilities. Our team of professionals is dedicated to creating personalized treatment plans to meet each individual’s unique needs.

We accept numerous insurance policies, including Aetna, Cigna, Blue Cross Blue Shield, NYSHIP, United Healthcare, and more aiming to make our services reachable to those who need it. For those not covered by insurance, we present private payment options enabling you to access the necessary care. Whether it’s therapy, intensive outpatient programs, detox, or residential care, our team is here to support you in comprehending the expenses and locating the optimal solution that fits your circumstance. Connect with us today to discover how we can aid you on your journey to improved mental wellness.